Sarah Jules Writing

World Mental Health Day – 10th October 2023

‘Mental health is a universal human right.’

Today is World Mental Health Day. Anybody who has known me for any amount of time knows that I love to talk about mental health. There’s still so much stigma and misunderstanding around mental health issues, and there’s a hell of a lot we can do as a society to help combat this. People like me and you are not policy makers, we don’t have any input into the way mental health is supported/treated in our countries, but we do have a voice. We have the ability to speak up. We have the ability to normalise mental health struggles so that others seek the help they need, rather than suffering in silence. This is a very condensed version of my story… I went back and forth about whether to post this or not, but here goes nothing. Opening a dialogue about mental health is essential if we’re going to eradicate the stigmas. I understand that I am in a position of privilege – I’m a cis, white woman, with access to health care. Many other people don’t have that same opportunity.

I’ve always been a fairly anxious person but this multiplied considerably when I started university. I was accepted into one of the most prestigious teaching degrees in the country (shout-out to The University of Huddersfield) and the demands of the degree, coupled with my own perfectionism, wasn’t the most harmonious mix. I was laser focused on finishing my degree with top grades and getting a job as a primary school teacher before I’d even finished the last year of my degree. I achieved all of these things, and then reality hit. The job I’d longed for was incredibly toxic and I was treated very poorly by the school, as such, I resigned. This is where the vast majority of my mental health issues started. At the same time, I was completing my master’s degree, which was another added level of stress. To cut a long story short, I ended up in another very toxic situation. At the time, I didn’t know I was depressed. I thought I was just stressed. I ended up leaving that job after two years of suffering – my colleagues, for the most part, were absolutely wonderful, they were the reason I stuck it out as long as I did – but the situation I was in wasn’t a healthy work environment for a number of reasons, which I won’t go into here.

I finally went to the doctor’s for my mental health and was given a prescription for anti-depressants and put on a waiting list for therapy. The wait for therapy took about eight months. At the time, I was so anxious I couldn’t leave the house alone. I was unable to work. I thought I was at rock bottom. I won’t say that I was ‘suicidal’ but I definitely had ‘suicidal ideations’. I thought that the people in my life would be better off if I wasn’t here. I felt like a burden. The therapy I was given was very base level, about coping strategies and that kind of thing. The therapist actually said to me, ‘I don’t think I can help you. I think you need more than this.’ I was then put on a waiting list for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. At this point, I started dipping my toes into freelancing. I started off small, writing blogs and transcribing documents, and began to focus on what I needed to do in order to be happy. Fast-forward another year, I started CBT. The therapist wanted to try something different, and so we did something called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprogramming). THIS CHANGED MY LIFE.

Since then, my doctors have figured out the perfect combination of medications for me to manage my depression and anxiety. I’ll probably be on these drugs for the rest of my life, which I struggled to come to terms with for a long time. I tried to come off them, with terrible results, and hit my actual rock bottom. I understand that these medications fix an imbalance in my brain in the same way as medications for physical issues work. I’m now completely comfortable with that. After suffering badly with my mental health on and off for the last (almost) decade, I finally feel like I’m on an even keel. I still have bad days, but I know that they’re not the be-all and end-all.

Throughout my journey to ‘sanity’, I’ve learned that mental health recovery is about letting go. Let go of things (or people) that don’t have a positive impact on your life. Let go of past mistakes and regrets. Let go of the idea of being perfect. Let go of the baggage weighing us down. Let go of the idea that we have to do this alone. I know this is easier said than done, and often we need a professional to help us work through this transition. Please know, if you’re suffering, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to suffer in silence. There are plenty of resources out there that can help you. Check out this link to find a resource that meets your needs… https://www.helpguide.org/find-help.htm Also, my inbox is always open. You matter, and the world is a better place with you in it.